My Srongest Suit

I have been thinking lately, mostly about random things that don't really fit together. I'm trying to figure out a way to work enough that I can start to save money. Because unless I am told otherwise, I have a strong sense that my SD adventure is ending in July. This means moving again, and for that I would love to have a little money set aside. And by a little, I don't mean $40. Back in December, when I was praying about whether to stay for the next six months, I got a very persuasive feeling that I should stay. Then July popped into my head and in all other prayers since, that's what I've been feeling (my day of departure is set, my family has booked their cabin and taken vacation. I haven't started counting down yet, but soon :) ). Kind of stoked. August. I'll be home by August. True, I'll hopefully be moving to Seattle to go to grad school, but that's 6 hours instead of 19, so, win. It has been a crazy adventure, and it's not over yet; there are still four months. So I'll save the SD life-lessons post for either late July or early August. Stay tuned.

I realized a couple of things this week. First of all, I tend to love humor and use it as a protective coating. Although I dearly love to laugh (yes, I did), when I get too deep or become vulnerable, I tend to turn to humor. Case in point. Around Valentines Day I wrote a blog post that was deeply personal, something that I am still struggling with, and something that I have always had an issue with. My next three posts? One was a joke. Another was a joke and the explanation about three amazing movies, one hilarious and the other two just awesome (with some funny bits). In the middle was a continuation of the serious Valentines Day post, but it was funny (to me at least). I think a part of that is that not only do I love laughing, I love making people laugh (although sometimes I'm bad at telling jokes. I laugh during the telling. This is a problem).

With that in mind, I have also been in a state of waiting. I found out about Sound of Music and am a very excited member of the Chorus of Nuns. I have to find out about a few work-related things, and I am waiting on the edge of my seat to hear about UW. I know I'll find out when I find out, but I really really really want to know. Then I can start planning for fall and all that. But I'm waiting. Trying to be patient, but checking my email whenever I'm near my computer and checking my mailbox at least three times, to make sure the mail isn't late. For a while, I was waiting for both UW and Sound of Music. That was crazy. But, "far ahead the Road has gone, and I must follow if I can, pursuing it with weary feet," so I suppose that can be interpreted as walking along, even if you don't know what is coming. With that is the realization that you can't stop going (even if you ain't had nothing but maggoty bread for three stinking days. Luckily, I'm a better cook than that. A little. She jokes).

I learned that my strongest suit is not patience, not by a long shot (it's not dress either, in case you were wondering). I am getting better at waiting, but I don't like it. And I don't want to hear any of that "I'm from a generation that is used to getting things when they want them" stuff, because that's ridiculous. Do we live in an age where that is theoretically possible? Well, yes, but who actually gets everything they want immediately? I know how to wait, but that doesn't mean I like it. No one likes to wait. No one. I don't care how old you are. And this waiting is particularly stressful, because in a lot of ways this answer determines what happens for the next two years of my life. All of that time, hinging on a little piece of paper. Do I have a backup plan in case I don't get in? Of course I do! Have I prayed about what to do? Probably not as much as I should, because I am still waiting to hear back. I have been praying for patience. And someday, I will learn how to spell that without relying on spell check (I always put in too many e's). And maybe I will find my strongest suit.


Special thanks to Miss Jane Austin, the amazing musical Aida, and the usual suspect.