You may or may not know this about me, but I am a chronic worrier. If it can be worried about, I will generally make it possible. OK. If you are following my blog, you probably did know that. You may or may not know this, but my job in SD ends in October. My lease, however, continues until at least December. Imagine my surprise (and almost worry) when I realized that I wasn't super worried about this situation (at least not all the time). A little nervous, yes. Apprehensive, maybe. Wow. What happened? I mean, this is great! But why?
Earlier this summer (aka a little over a week ago), I went through a period of intense worry. I realized that I hadn't been sleeping, my apartment was messy and I was drinking coffee like a college kid. All things considered, sleep and I weren't getting along; though I blame stress the most I'm sure coffee and the mess were contributing factors. I called my parents and one of them suggested that I read Psalms during my morning Bible reading. So I started reading the Psalms, starting with 114. These Psalms, except for the occasional "Justice Psalm," all deal with faith.
I had forgotten how much I loved Psalms. They all seemed to speak to me about trust and faith. 116 was a particularly good one for me. The reminders every morning of God's faithfulness and the way many Psalms toward the end start with "Praise the Lord" did wonders for my soul.I don't know what it is about the Psalms that make me love them so much, the simple language, the very frank and sometimes angry tone the author takes with God. It's like the stuff you say to God, and in some ways, the stuff He says back.
(I also cleaned my apartment, cut back the caffeine and took my car to a mechanic. That's a long story that isn't quite resolved involving a lack of oil, the mysterious blinking taillights, a very nice Wyoming State Trooper and a person I know through work who happens to be a mechanic and is researching my car's wiring. Apparently, my car is rare and the model has a tendency to be fussy. I hadn't guessed that :) )
Now, I have lots of reasons to be negative about these situations, but I have a strange sense of peace about the whole thing. Either I'm in denial, or it's the power of prayer and God reminding me that there is a Plan here. I prefer to believe the second one. And I've never been THAT good at fooling myself.
Today I felt a little worried about everything. Whether I should close off the 3 tour at 3, not 3:15 like I usually do so that it wouldn't run into my 4 tour, only to not have either. I wasted all that stress on nothing. And generally, that's what happens. Other things popped up during the day. When I should start hard-core searching for jobs? Should I call and ask about my car or trust that the guy is busy and will get back to me when he finds something out, as was the plan? What if I mess up while giving a tour to 10-20 museum professionals on Tuesday? However, stressing about this stuff doesn't actually do anything about it, other than make me crabby at the end of the day and give me a headache. This is silly. Some wise person once said that "stress is like a rocking chair, it doesn't get you anywhere." I would like to add, though, that a rocking chair is relaxing, cozy and fun and worrying is none of the above.
So while the worry comes and goes, in this situation I am waiting patiently, although I am NOT perfect and sometimes I still worry. After all, I have always been a worrywart and while I am trying to break the habit it takes a while. I might get a little/lot nervous if nothing has happened by October 15th, but that's a while off still. So I am remembering that just because I don't see what is coming that doesn't mean something isn't going to happen. I haven't stopped looking at other options, but I'm not running around like a headless chicken either.
I am reminded of a skilled poet who said that "Home is behind, The World Ahead, And there are many paths to tread Through shadows to the edge of night, Until the stars are all alight,Then World behind and home ahead, we'll wander back to home and bed." I don't know if this gentleman thinking life like an adventure, or that we all have to take adventures and trust that eventually we'll wind up back home in some way.
On another note: I get to attend the Mountain Plains Museum Association's Yearly Conference for a day, and I am so excited!!! I have a scholarship to go from the museum I work for (I have the best bosses). I'll post all about that and how that goes, my day to go is Wednesday.
(Again, I got into a bad habit with the Tolkien quotes. So, I hope that's not to cheesy to you folks. I like them though :) )
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